syrup flavored pancake balls stuffed with sausage. at last!

You know what I think when I wake up? “I’m hungry for pancakes with syrup and a side of sausage but I’m too lazy to make it myself, I wish someone would invent a syrup flavored pancake ball with a chunk of sausage stuffed into it.”

Enter: Dunkin’ Donuts.

SAUSAGE PANCAKE BITES
“3 pop-able mini sausage links wrapped in a maple-flavored pancake”

Did you get that? The syrup is in the pancake and the sausage is in the pancake that the syrup is in too! Fuck it! Let’s all get in that pancake! It’s a pancake party!

Ah! The final frontier in breakfast brevity.

Thank you, I will have 3 orders of 3. But why stop here/there? Why not drop the pancake sausage balls into a blender with a pint of coffee, a splash of whole milk and a cigarette. I’ll take it all in a big cup with a straw to go because I am in a very big hurry! (I’ve got an important “pitch meeting” to attend.) And if, when I time myself slurping, my slurp-time exceeds 29.9 seconds, I will kindly request a full refund.

Wait! Brainstorm! Let’s throw lunch and dinner in there, too. Why not? I’ll have my pancake/sausage ball wrapped in lasagna and dipped in soup please! I will call this UniMeal.┬áThink of all the time this opens up! The patent-pending UniMeal could restore anywhere from two to fourteen hours back to my day, depending how fast I chew. Now I can read all those books I’ve lied about reading! (eg: anything by Jonathan Franzen)

But this is the stuff of dreams, I realize. Perhaps someday a youth with just as much perk and whimsy and disarming charm as a perkier and more whimsical — but comparably disarming/charming — version of myself will take my idea yarn and spin it into a reality.

Until that day, keep up the good work, Dunk. I fully expect to see a TurDunkin’ (chicken stuffed into duck stuffed into turkey stuffed into donut, naturally) by Thanksgiving.

11 comments

  1. Haha. Good post.

    I actually think those pancake balls look amazing though…I’m guess I’m pretty gross.

  2. “i wanna dip MY balls in it”

    …i’ll take a bakers dozen!!!

  3. These funny food blogs of yours are great for keeping me on the “I’m no longer hungry after reading that” diet.

  4. Suddenly I’m hungry…and nauseous, at the same time.

  5. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Michael Showalter, Danny Leigher, eric, Pierre, Michael Costello and others. Michael Costello said: RT @mshowalter: syrup flavored pancake balls stuffed with sausage http://tinyurl.com/2ewtdah […]

  6. I’m pretty sure the TurDunkin’ would be a great seller. You should probably hit up dunkin donuts head quarters and suggest it!

  7. You know it’s quality when it has both natural and artificial flavors. Mmm-mm. Which flavors are natural and which are artificial? I can’t tell, they all taste just fake! I mean great!

  8. […] that the sandwich has lost its shackles to the bread, the world awaits food revolution. Michael Showalter discovered Donkin Donuts newest innovation: Sausage Pancake Bites. Thank you, I will have 3 orders […]

  9. pretty great idea. however, if they sold four at a time, and those four were on a stick, like a kabob, and sprinkled with powdered sugar…i’m sorry, i have no idea where that was going.

  10. Years ago, a friend and I came up with a similar idea for an instant, breakfast-food-like package for busy people on the go. We called it, “O-Joe & Egg-nut.” It consisted of instant coffee mixed with Tang (“O-Joe”) and a delicious scrambled egg-stuffed donut (“Egg-nut”).
    Never really got off the ground, though…

  11. I’m sure my dog will go crazy over these maple flavored treats. Great for training!

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