29
Nov 10

Doodle Monday: somewhere in malta a man thinks about six people having sex


18
Nov 10

GIANT HOOTERS GIRLS RIDE THE BUS

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HERE:

their heads are GIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!


17
Nov 10

If you were wondering what kind of professor I am…

…not at all this type of professor.

(via thoughtcatalog)


15
Nov 10

Doodle Monday – November 15th (just kidding not naked)


10
Nov 10

Just, Gold and Silver

I was looking over a list of state mottos the other day, and I came across one that struck me as kind of odd. It was Montana’s motto: Gold and silver.

Just, “Gold and silver.”

Not, “We have gold and silver.” Or, “Come to Montana for gold and silver.” Or even, “Montana: beautiful as gold and silver.” Merely, “Gold and silver.”

Feels a little short, no? I’m guessing that the guy who came up with it wasn’t exactly the talkative sort. Not that I’ve got any problem with shy people or introverts, but I wouldn’t look to them to come up with the motto for my state, that’s for sure.¬†I mean, okay, it’s not all bad. It’s got potential. I’d just feel better if there were an action verb in there somewhere.

Compare this to Hawaii’s state motto: The life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness. Obviously written by an extrovert (and potentially a huge windbag but that’s besides the point). It’s a good motto! There’s some meat in there, including a morals lesson (couldn’t tell you what it is but I know it’s got one).

Don’t get me wrong, length isn’t necessarily the issue. You know what they say, “It’s not the size of the boat that counts — it’s the motion of the ocean.” I mean, consider New York’s: Ever upward. Only two words! But two very evocative words behind an optimistic sentiment. It’s a feel-gooder. “Gold and silver” is, well, boring. Maybe if it was something more unexpected, like, “Gold and coffee” or “Sandwiches and silver” I could get more into it. Alas.

I’m just wondering: was there more to it initially? Did a few extras words get lopped off in the printer? Did they run off a bunch of fliers but realize too late that there was a pretty embarrassing typo or pornographic-looking coffee stain?

Imagine the scene. A bunch of Montanans seated around a big table, wracking their brains for the perfect slogan that would embody the essence of Montana. Someone throws out, “Let the rivers run free and the hawks fly,” but this is nixed. So too is “Under God the people rule,” because South Dakota already did it. With no better options, they turn to the guy in the back who’s picking his nose.

“Hey Carl.”
“Yeh?”
“Wanna write the state motto?”
“Yeh”
“Whatcha got?”
“Gold and silver.”
“Carl, did you just list the first two things that came to mind?”
“Yeh.”

Could you imagine if other states did that?
Florida: Oranges and grapefruits here
California: Big trees
South Carolina: Below other Carolina
Idaho: Potato

Where’s the poetry? The inspiration? The spark of whimsy? The splash of god-fearing? The whiff of neener-neener?¬†Because that’s what America’s about (poetry/inspiration/whimsy/god-fearing/neener-neener). And each state’s motto should celebrate the “wow” moment of establishing that state. Right?

But not Montana. Montana just shits out a few nouns and moves on to the state bird (“chicken”).


09
Nov 10

was going to buy this poncho until i saw the packaging and then thought to myself, “Nah. I’ll just get rained on.”


08
Nov 10

Why Teachers Drink, Part 1