Thoughts on Lebron

Shame on Lebron James for wanting good teammates! The nerve of this guy! Speaking personally I want to work with all of the most mediocre people I can find. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do! It’s the only thing to do! Why is it the right thing to do? Uh…I don’t know! Leave me alone! It just is!

If given the choice between working with the best people or working with mediocre people I will always chose to work with mediocre people because then I will be way less successful at doing the thing I love the most and have worked my whole life to succeed at! It’s such a no-brainer!
“Hey Mike, you can either have the best co-workers ever, or slightly lame co-workers. What do you chose?” Duh! I chose the slightly lame co-workers! Why would I possibly want the best co-workers? In what way would I benefit from that? Does having the best possible co-workers allow me flourish? Allow my business to flourish? Of course not! It’s absurd! How can Lebron James not see the error in this decision he’s made to work with the best possible colleagues?! It makes absolutely no sense! It is a farce and an outrage!!!
If everyone did what he’s done we’d have successful, happy people everywhere! What a travesty this would be.
I mean could you imagine if great actors chose to work with great directors? What’s next Leonardo DeCaprio making movies with Martin Scorcese? (Editor’s Note: Yes.) Or even worse if great actors actually had the audacity to choose to work with other great actors?! A movie like “Wedding Crashers” could never have worked if the both of the leads had been big movie stars! (Editor’s note: they were.) Or what about politics? Try to imagine if President Obama chose someone like Hillary Clinton to be his Secretary of State?! It would be crazy!!! (Editor’s note: he did.)

I’m an astronaut. I need a really good engineer to fly to the moon with me in case something goes wrong. Give me the worst guy! I don’t want the guy who knows what he’s doing?! It would be an insult to all of the crappy engineers of the world to chose the best engineer. It’s painfully obvious and Lebron should be embarrassed.

I’m a really good schoolteacher. I want to prove how good I am by surrounding myself with less good teachers. It’s good for me. It’s good for my students. It’s wimpy to be like, “I’m a good school teacher and I want to work with other good school teachers.” Any schoolteacher that doesn’t have the guts to want to be at a school where there are no other good teachers is a coward!!!

Furthermore, Lebron should be embarrassed for wanting to live in Miami and not Cleveland! Why anybody would choose to live in a tropical climate where the weather is nice all the time versus a city that is grey, freezing cold and slushy most of the year!

MIAMI

CLEVELAND


Who, given the choice, would ever make such a short-sighted, selfish decision!? Not me! If you said, “Michael, you can either live in Cleveland where it’s grey, cold and slushy, and work with crappy co-workers, or, you can move to Miami where it’s beautiful all the time and work with the best co-workers.” I would, without hesitation, chose to live in the cold, grey, slushy city with the crappy co-workers. Most people would and Lebron James is a terrible person for choosing to live in the city with the perfect weather and the great co-workers. It’s an outrage!!!

Ultimately, I think Lebron will learn the error of his ways. One day he will regret having chosen to live in a city with a beautiful climate, with great co-workers. And we who have vilified him will rejoice! Because none of us would ever make such a foolish decision.

28 Comments

  • Posted July 28, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Hilarious. Nice!!

  • Vaughn
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 11:07 am

    You’re an idiot.

  • Matt
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 11:23 am

    More and more hack! Congratulations on beating a one-paragraph point into a overdrawn hackfest.

    The more I read, the clearer it becomes. You were Delonte West to Thomas Lennon’s Lebron James. He went to the Miami Heat(Reno 911) with the best teammates Bosh(Keri Kenney) and Wade(Ben Garant), and left you for trade fodder between various terrible teams (Stella, M&M Have Issues).

    (Editor’s note: Hack!)

  • Ingrid
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 11:26 am

    Correction: You are most definitely not an idiot.

  • Ingrid
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 11:29 am

    Oh god. Why do I bother reading comments. Dude, who seeks out people they dislike, then proceeds to read their blog posts? And–surprise–hates them. Do you also hang out with your enemies, study things you hate, and get tattoos of your least favorite things? Go away.

  • Different Matt.
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 11:34 am

    Wait… Are you being facetious?

  • J-Bone
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 11:40 am

    This would make more sense if teaching, aeronautics, and acting were a competition.

  • ugggh
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 11:43 am

    Michael, your argument is convincing, but your premise is incorrect. Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosch are not good colleagues. They are turdburglars. That is all.

  • Spencer
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 11:56 am

    Man, I used to think you were so funny. The State, Stella, Wet Hot… What happened? This is garbage. And I know it’s no New Jersey, but Cleveland is a great town with good people who don’t deserve to be the but of every joke. Especially unfunny ones like this.

  • michael
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 11:59 am

    I have decided that I love this “Matt” fellow. He keeps hating then reading my blog posts. What gives Matt? I love you.

  • Matt
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    Wounded Cleveland fan trying to deal with the breakup of the Cavs, just as I had finally learned to deal with the breakup of The State.

    If I were ever really good at something, I’d hope my long-time fans would be the ones to try to keep me honest. I still own Skits & Stickers* on VHS! I watched the CBS special live! If it wasn’t for Doug, I still wouldn’t know what “copasetic” means!

    Next time I’m in New York, let me buy you lunch*

    *lunch not included

  • Posted July 28, 2010 at 12:25 pm

    I wonder if Spencer is THE Spencer, of The Hills “fame.” He sounds pretty upset. Sorry Spency pants, nobody cares about Cleveland. It’s a joke for crying out loud, don’t be such a critic!

    Good stuff.

  • Kirk
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    Funny, but inaccurate.

    1. The fervor over Lebron’s leaving is mostly about the manner in which he did it, not that he left. He knew he would be joining these other guys since he played with them in the Olympics. Why drag out the announcement, then announce it on TV? He may as well have added, “Also, I’ve convinced the NBA to change Cleveland’s name to the Cleveland Steamers, because that’s how I’m treating them.”

    2. The analogies are inaccurate. Basketball is a sport with direct and constant competition. The goal is to reach a championship for a community that supports you. There is no championship in teaching or space exploration. Movies don’t take on other movies four nights a week, then go up against each other in a best of seven to see who will get the Oscar. There are no direct winners or losers. People don’t tune into the NASA channel to see how Koichi Wakata did that night, and they don’t spend ridiculous amounts of money on Wedding Crashers season tickets and Owen Wilson jerseys.

    3. Your images of Miami vs. Cleveland are dead on. Miami = illogical public perception. Cleveland = logical public perception.

    P.S. I hate basketball.

  • Spencer
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    Jeffrey, I’m sure wherever you’re from is TOTALLY cool and not a joke. How foolish to say something positive about a city that is so clearly insignificant. Whoops!
    -Spencer Pratt, signing out.
    (watch my show)

  • Posted July 28, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Pratt,

    I’m originally from Omaha, which I’m sure is no better or worse than Cleveland or any other place. [insert corn joke here].

    I apologize. And I love Cleveland.

    p.s. I swear my girlfriend makes me watch it.

  • Spencer
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    Aww I think we just made up. Possibly became best friends for life…? I’m just saying, think about it.
    I’ll stop crowding the blog comments now. Thanks all,

    -and everyone should come to The W hotel in Hollywood this weekend where me and my cast mates from The Hills will be hosting a benefit for starving kids in some asian country… or was it Africa? Not sure, but half price vodka before 11!

  • Andrew
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    Yeah, because people are mad about where he went and not about how he announced it.
    Because as that astronaut seeking out a new engineer you’re going to tell 5 families their dad or mom might get hired to work with the “king of astronauts” and is a top candidate for the job. Then you make them wait two weeks. And finally to really piss in the Cheerios of those engineers who don’t get the job you force C-SPAN to give you a primetime HOUR LONG special to announce that you’re the greatest freaking astronaut ever and everyone should care what you do.
    Now is the time of your big announcement on TV as the “king” of astronauts. You’ve chosen the best engineer for obvious reasons. What about those four families you told might get the job? Do you inform them before the big TV announcement? No, because there would be no drama that way and people wouldn’t pay as much attention as possible to the best astronaut ever to freaking walk anywhere, space or earth. So you go on your coerced TV special and get all those other families hopes up and tell them to go fuck themselves because this engineer from Miami is the best and everyone NEEDS to care and pay attention to the “king astronaut’s” primetime decision.

    Good thing you didn’t miss the whole point on why everyone’s mad about it and decided to craft a wonderfully long winded and redundant blog post.

  • Posted July 28, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    Dear everyone reading this blog and also Michael Showalter.

    Lebron James ain’t no bitch of leaving cleveland. Youre right the city as cold as fuck. Sorry that like almost every other basketball player in history, Lebron James is going to play for more than one team in his career.

    Fact is from a sports standpoint this was a smart move for lebron. Sorry that the Cavs happened to draft a hometown kid who turned into a super star but I dont expect the warriors to keep bay area native Jeremy Lin if he goes big, but who would want him(editors note: he’s an asian basketball player…I know seriously like what)

    Anyway I guess I better insult showalter if I want him to reply to my comment. I guess he only replies to mediocre comments anyway.

    Wet hot american summer was sub par!

    Some of my friends don’t even GET Stella! (editors note: I sort of get it)

    PS: check out my bernie mac website

  • Troy
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    Wha? The State over Stella? The state was a superb show, but Stella a show about three jejune men is just amazing! The content should have stayed the same from the Shorts and broadcasted on HBO (for artistic freedom). Watching three grown men suck off Mrs. Claus should set the standard for comedy.

  • paul girvin
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    My favorite part was the picture of miami and the picture of cleavland. Miami is so funny looking, and nice.

  • kmac
    Posted July 29, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    I called it and I don’t even watch basketball or know who LeBron is.

    Also, teaching, aeronautics, and acting ARE competitions!!! How can someone say that they aren’t? There are hundreds if not thousands of people competing for the same jobs! Even when you get a job you are still vying within the company to keep your job or get promoted.

    Keep writing Michael!!

  • Matt
    Posted July 29, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    you are by far the funniest person in the world michael black! you have no idea how much i look up to you, black, and dwain.Keep up the good work! “The Baxter” was a masterpiece and your jokes are just great

  • Matt
    Posted July 29, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    lol i meant to say michael showalter..sorry man!

  • Sarah
    Posted July 29, 2010 at 3:16 pm

    Are you sure that picture of Cleveland wasn’t really Green Bay Wisconsin? Also, I feel like your version of Miami is filled with mystical creatures and wizards. Show, how about a preview of your book in your next blog entry. February is too long to wait.

  • jeannine
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 2:04 am

    Dear Mr. Showalter,
    Why are you wrong about everything? Just realized this from reading your last few entries.

    Take care,
    Jeannine

    P.S.
    World Cup

  • Posted August 1, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    If I were him, the fans in Cleveland that have been thusly blowing up at exactly WHY I would chose Miami.

  • Jaime
    Posted August 2, 2010 at 9:17 am

    Sports are dum. For reals.

    But you aren’t.

    Because you make me laugh.

    Miami is all glowy and transcendental. I’m going to live there today….
    But not really. (I’d have made that an editor’s note but I think your editor’s notes have been spoofed enough. And that’s because they’re awesome. Screw it. Editor’s note: You rule.)

  • RB Sauce
    Posted August 11, 2010 at 2:11 am

    I’m late to the game again, but I don’t give a fuck. Personally, I do want to work with people that are very mediocre, because then I look like I’m fucking awesome. It really does wonders for my self esteem. If you surround yourself with people that are good at what they do, then maybe you will look more mediocre. WHO WOULD WANT TO RISK SUCH A THING?!

    Basketball is stupid though, so who cares.

2 Trackbacks

  • By Mz. Paparazzi 242 on July 31, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    CAUTION: DO NOT…Wear A LeBron James Jersey Anywhere Near Cleveland Or It’s Fans…You Have Been Warned!!!…

    I found your entry interesting thus I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)…

  • By Monday Medley « No Pun Intended on August 2, 2010 at 7:01 am

    [...] network and Bron Bron have a cozy relationship or anything). Will Leitch mocks lightly here. Even Michael Showalter has thoughts on LeBron. Maybe he can book James for an episode of The Michael Showalter [...]

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