A Laundry List of How Many Things Have Gone Wrong So Far on This Particular Tour with Michael Black

1. I left my wallet in the cab on the way to Laguardia Airport.


My wallet had my ID and my credit card in it without which I wouldn’t have been able to get my ticket and get on the plane. I was able to call the car service and the cab driver did come back to the airport and amazingly my wallet was in the cab. I did however have to pay him an additional $30 for making him return to the airport. In summary: lost wallet, stressed out, had to pay cab driver twice.

2. At security checkpoint in Laguardia Airport they confiscated a small tube of medicated hand lotion that I use for my dry hands.

Ds-p-body lotion.jpg

The medicated hand lotion probably cost $8. In addition, I had to deal with the stress of having them rummage through my stuff. In summary: Had $8 medicated hand lotion confiscated; got stressed out.

3. We had a flight change in Charlotte, NC en route to Dallas. I went outside to smoke a cigarette which meant having to check back in through security. I left my carry-on luggage at the check point.


I got to my gate and they told me that I should run and get it. I ran all over the airport and couldn’t find the check point. I got really sweaty and stressed out. Never found the check point. Had to fly to Dallas without my luggage.

4. Drove from Dallas to Austin. When we got to Austin I borrowed the car so that I could buy clean clothes for the rest of my trip plus a new laptop battery charger for my computer. I got lost.


It took me 4 hours to buy: 1 battery charger; 3 pairs of socks; 3 pairs of underwear; one pair pants; toiletries.

5. Lost my check from Austin show had to have the club cancel check and issue new one which will be sent to me by mail.


6. Arrived Oakland airport. Rented car. Got lost driving to hotel in San Francisco.


7. Left toothpaste in Austin. Had to buy toothpaste again.



  1. Dear Michael,

    I’m sorry that your trip has sucked so far. I hope things go smoothly from now on. I like stories with pictures and your Pulp Fiction wallet. I think all bad MoFos probably use medicated hand cream.


  2. You were still great in Dallas after such a shitty day…Thanks!

  3. Michael Showhiner

    Hey bro, you need to roll down the window and get some cold air on your face. Life isn’t that hard!

    These are all what I like to call ‘rich peoples problems’ (a phrase I invented). You got your wallet back, and you didn’t lose your laptop. If you also ate a breakfast not containing hog and avoided having to use an AK-47, you could even posit that it was a GOOD day.

    Get some perspective man, because we all love you.

  4. If toothpaste is so goddamn important, then don’t leave it in Austin! That being said, I would also say: “when it rains, it pours.” Seriously, dude, I bet you are so sweaty right now.

  5. Good point Ice Cube, but, if I could play devil’s advocate, he didn’t say anything about seeing the lights of the Good Year blimp that read “Michael Show is a pimp”. That could’ve been why, in retrospect, it turned out to be a bad day.

  6. Sorry, Michael. Please have fun in SF.

  7. “I don’t wanna be like you, Dad…losing your shit all over the country and stressing out.” ;) Thanks so much for hanging with us in the bitter cold in Austin — we *loved* the show! (Yes, pun intended.)

  8. You need a front-to-back-pocket wallet chain. Cool.Functional. Badass. Just like you:)

    To still get up there and do a great show after all of that deserves many kudos. The gerbil in my brain wheel would have stopped running right after the leaving-the purse/wallet-in-the-cab.

  9. i think you look like jack on lost.. can you see it?

  10. It was freezing in Austin! But it was worth it. You were worth it! Sorry about all the things that went wrong. If it makes you feel better, I get lost in Austin all the time. I also had to call a friend for directions while going to Barton Creek mall.
    Hope things go well for the rest of the tour!

  11. El Bolso del Douche

    My balls never dropped.

    Life’s a bitch. Deal with it.

    Happy 2008, you funny motherfucker.

  12. Michael Alzheimer, is that you? ;-)

  13. I am going to further perpetuate this game as equal to political party, such as ‘Balderdash’ being republican, which I happen to agree with, and here’s why…

    In Balderdash (an abhorrently shitty saturday night for college students) the players must guess definitions and win token-thingys (I actually think that is the proper term) to further advance and essentially, win the game (the game of Life – not ‘The Game of Life’ with the pink and blue people in the little cars, I mean the ACTUAL game of life). Let’s equate this to capitalism in the sense that tokens=$=more of it=better you are=yay business=pro-capitalism=republican.

    Now, if we were to compare this to let’s say, Scrabble, or crosswords, or even better some internet versions like Scrabble Blast!, text twist, Chicktionary (a personal favorite)- these games all promote an individual player to solve problems themselves and, on some level, increase introspection- An increase in individuality, if you will. Except scrabble, which is still a level of competition,however this game is very dependent on working with each other to come to ones own successes. I guess if we look at Scrabble and it’s relevancy to the division of labor this could also be pro-capitalism (for all intents and purposes ‘pro-balderdsh’) however, let’s stick to Marx’s theory that the division of labor contributes to feelings of individual alienation. So, the scrabble would have some DOL, to counteract these alienated feelings players are encouraged to support each other in order to build a more egalitarian society (or, metaphorically, a more-full, higher scoring scrabble board) – this, according to said theory, would be considered more of a democratic game.
    In the other, individualized versions of word games, literacy-building and individuality promoted, equivalent to an increase in education and esteem building or self-worth or even, awareness, and let’s say this means increase in public education and social programs – hence = democratic thinking.

  14. Travelling sucks. The destination is often lovely, but the getting there is a pain. Whoever said “it’s the journey” that matters was an asshole.

    PS – I have literally no idea how I managed to miss your four trillion latest blogs on here. I’ve got some catching up to do.

  15. michael,

    cheer up.

    my sincerest affections.

  16. I feel your pain. I once lost all of my luggage (I was stupid enough to not have a carry on except for my purse this one time) on route from Dallas to New Orleans a few years ago. Someone else apparently had the same suitcase as I did (even though I had tied tons of ugly colorful ribbons all over it and a name tag with info so this exact situation would NOT happen) and had taken it. So I spent the week there buying everything from Walgreens. The last day I was there I found out that the man who had my luggage was only a block away in another hotel and it took him the whole week to figure this out! Oh the irony!

    Anyway, thanks for the great show in Dallas. We loved you guys. I hope you come here again (but without all the mishaps on your way here of course!). :)

  17. But Sho! You also experienced a Christmas miracle little buddy! You DID! Look…

    1. Cabbie returns wallet for fare price only. Yes, I said “only”. Dude could have played a little “What’s it worth to you?” He also could have refused to take your call. (Just like you do to me…)

    2. All cards and money – present and accounted for. You must be living right! Karma Chameleon!

    3. Wallet still intact and NOT smelling of poo.

    You may kiss my hand.

  18. I’m sorry to hear that you had such a rough go at the start. I did see you in JFK at baggage claim on the 22nd. Or atleast I thought it was you. You looked a bit stressed. Hope things got better.

  19. I was going to make a highly inappropriate comment about you carrying an inexhaustable supply of hand mosturiser in your pants. But that would be very wrong…

  20. another thing that whent wrong… you didnt stop by toronto!

    Sir, i hope you keep rockin’

  21. Dear Sir,The above is my name.I want to be the sole agent on your product.thank you.

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