Setting the Record Straight Re: Fred Paxson

In response to my post: “My Response To All Of The Fred Thompson Supporters Who Left Comments On My Site” A commentor named volunteer said on 12 Jan 2008 at 7:32 pm:

“Frederick Paxson said: I did check his record. It’s on IMDB. He’s a TV actor, a doofus, and a buffoon. Fred, it sounds like your describing yourself judging from the stupid remark you made.”

Dear “Volunteer”,

Setting the record straight. No, Fred Paxson did not say that. I said that. Fred Paxson commented on my blog post titled: FRED THOMPSON IS THE NEW PERSON I HATE THE MOST. Here’s what Fred Paxson actually said. He said,

“FRED THOMPSON is the best person to lead this country. He is a true conservative and has been his entire life. All one has to do is check his record to see this. During my time in the Army as an Intelligence Analyst, I served under both Presidents Carter and Reagan (as my commanders in chief). Without argument, President Reagan was the best commander-in-chief a military person could ever have served under. Fred Thompson possesses the same qualities and vision as President Reagan in that he is strong on national defense and sees a dire need to secure our borders and control immigration.

I can think of no better person to lead this country and fix the problems we have. He is the only candidate from either party who has specific and detailed plans on border security and immigration reform; revitalization of America’s armed forces; saving and protecting Social Security; and tax relief and economic growth. These are detailed on his Web site at www.fred08.com . I challenge you to find any other candidate who has laid out specific plans to fix anything.

Fred Thompson has published his first principles, some of which are mentioned above. In addition to those, he strongly believes in individual liberty, personal responsibility, limited government, federalism, traditional American values, the rule of law and is a strong proponent of the Second Amendment — all concepts established during the birth of our country and documented in our Constitution.

Again, try to find any candidate who has laid out their plans to “fix” this country. You will find they all speak in vague and abstract terms on their plans.

For those who have heard Fred Thompson speak, you will usually hear him say that the Fred Thompson you see today is the same Fred Thompson you saw yesterday and is the same Fred Thompson you will see tomorrow. He stands by his principles and values and doesn’t shift his positions based on polls or public opinion; in other words, he doesn’t say what the voters want to hear just to get elected, but remains steadfast on his views and convictions.
During his time in the Senate he focused on three areas: to lower taxes, strengthen national security and expose waste in the federal government. Fred Thompson has foreign policy experience, having served as member of the Senate Foreign Relations and Senate Intelligence committees.

As chairman of the Senate Governmental Affairs Committee, he opened the investigation in 1997 on the Chinese government’s attempt to influence American policies and elections, and this investigation identified connections with the Clinton administration (documented in the committee’s report).

As a member of the Finance Committee, he worked tirelessly to enact three major tax-cut bills. Fred Thompson remains steadfast and even though a person may not agree with all his views and he understands some may disagree with him, you can count on him to be consistent and unwavering.

Don’t be fooled by his laid back approach and what critics call his “laziness.” As a former assistant U.S. attorney, he earned a reputation as a tough prosecutor and he possesses the toughness this country needs in order to tackle today’s and tomorrow’s issues.

I ask that you take a hard look at what this country needs, then take a hard look at all the other candidates’ views, policies, their records and their track record on consistency. Fred Thompson possesses integrity, loyalty, commitment, energy and decisiveness, all traits of an effective leader, and will emerge as the best person to take this country boldly forward.

Please help Fred win in South Carolina:
https://www.fred08.com/contribute.aspx RefererID=c637caaa-315c-4b4c-9967-08d864cd0791.”

So, what happened was that Fred Paxson encouraged me to check out Fred Thompson’s record and I responded that Fred Thompson was a TV actor and doofus and a buffoon. In fairness to Fred Paxson, he didn’t say that. I did.

Let me also say that I have absolutely no idea who Fred Paxson is. Nor do I know who you are. I am a random sketch comedian that wrote a tiny blog entry about how much of a buffoon Fred Thompson was and I have found myself in the middle of a stealth campaign protecting Mr. Thompson against negative spin. That said, I am enjoying myself immensely so please, by all means, let’s continue.

Here’s some anti-Fred Thompson sentiment for you to respond to: He’s the Devil. Agree? Disagree?

Sincerely,
Michael Showalter

26 comments

  1. Fred Thompson is the Antichrist

    Man this blog is finally getting good. Politics: it’s the new Project Runway.

  2. Well, let’s not go too far. Nothing could ever replace Project Runway. I mean: the future of our planet is one thing, but making Baby Doll dresses out of Hershey’s wrappers is a whole different ball of yarn. Nothing will ever come between me and PR. Not even Fred Thompson’s stealth army.

  3. I absolutely agree with your statement that Bill Paxton is the devil. I think it was socially irresponsible of him to suggest that Fred Paxson would make an excellent Commander in Chief, and wish he and Susan Lucci and Sean Connery and every other loudmouth Libertarian celebrity would just shut their piehole.

  4. According to Eggbert Romney isn’t the Devil brothers with, like, Jesus? So using mathematics, which I think is very appropriate in this context, we can use the transitive property of equality, I believe it’s called, to determine that Fred Thompson is Jesus’ brother. But then Jesus is also the son of God, but, it’s like, aren’t we really ALL God’s children? So wouldn’t it be awkward running into your brother Fred Thompson at a family reunion after all this stuff you’ve said about him? Food for thought, Michael.

  5. Watch out, Michael! Fred Thompson knows powerful people! HOLLYWOOD powerful people!

  6. Agreed. Don’t you think Rami is going to win? Thank you for blogging, it has kept me entertained all day. I’m a little concerned for you though…the swiftness of Thompson’s minions is sort of scary. Perhaps you should sleep with one eye open.

  7. Um, no, Sam Raimi is not going to win, despite his being bandmates with Bill Paxton (the aforementioned Devil) in the band Simple Plan. Sam Raimi isn’t even running, duh.

  8. These comments above are my most favorite blog comments of all time.

  9. above all else, fred thompson is the man who ingeniuosly delivered the line: “he gave you the bologna but you made the sandwhich.”
    now, if dick wolf ran for president i would most probably vote for him. because dick wolf equals god

  10. I agree that he is a devil, but “the” devil? What about all those devils? The “horny devils”? The devils in my eggs? The devil in Miss Jones? Dirt Devils? Could they all be Fred Paxon? If so, that explains a lot about my lunch yesterday.

  11. Millard "Witt" Romney

    Fred Thompson has more experience pretending to be president than any other candidate, so why shouldn’t you just take away “pretending” and replace it with “being”? It’s really semantics. He has also played a white house chief of staff, a district attorney, a CIA agent, and NASCAR chief, so he’s obviously qualified to do one of those jobs if not elected as Real President.

    I’d like to throw Thompson’s name in the hat for another position. Patrick Swayze’s character in Road House is named Dalton. Fred Thompson’s middle name is Dalton. Fred Thompson is gruff, plays characters that don’t take no guff from no one, and hates gays and immigrants. Could Fred Thompson be head bouncer at the Double Deuce? Not out of the realm of possibility for Fred Dalton Thompson.

  12. Yes, and America will play Kelly Lynch’s role, and get screwed up against the wall.

  13. I was a nationally-syndicated editorial cartoonist for seven years, and messages like you’re getting constituted approximately 100% of my total emails–insane, barely literate, and completely missing the point. I used to love love love getting email like this–it’s a badge of honor among editorial cartoonists. If I wasn’t pissing people off, then I wasn’t doing my job.

  14. Larry Crustwhistle

    Kevin got the shaft last week on PR. I mean he has/had beard triangles, for Christ’s sake. Does that not mean anything anymore?

    Fred Thompson is a dick shit.

    Ron Paul is not a racist. Vote for him.

  15. My name is not Fred Paxson, and I support this message about how Fred Thompson is a jackass. Also: every Republican born after 1970 is also a huge tool. If you vote for anyone but Obama, you want America to be blown up by terrorists. There, I said it.

  16. I was watching BBC and CNN today at the same time (on two different TVs silly!!) and they said that Fred Thompson supports slavery, female slavery, puppy murder, and morbid obesity.

    Here’s a quote from CNN “Fred Thompson should not be President because he is not and will never be qualified.” They then went on talking about how ugly he is. I personally thought it was really rude and disrespectful, but then I sort of laughed.

  17. FUCKFACEASSMOUTH

    Well, I’m kinda diggin’ the Mulatto, myself.

    …and who the fuck is Fred Thompson?

  18. Michael, are you still alive?

    All I’m saying is that one day you’re blogging about Fred Thompson… and then you haven’t been heard from since. I hope the stealth army hasn’t assassinated you. I would be totally bummed if that happened.

  19. Martha Washington, former 1st lady

    In response to “traditional American values”, such as personal liberty, that were established during the birth of our country…white men were the only people allowed to have personal lierties back then. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad at my husband, Thomas Jefferson or any of those guys, they wanted to have a democratic form of government (not a capaltist one, which is what we have now & probabally the root of our problem, but that’s beside the point) we have them to thank for not being subjects of a monarch. However, don’t forget, back then we had slaves, women were not allowed to have posessions, we slaughtered almost all of the native population & claimed their land as ours, in the name of Manifest Destiny.
    Which brings me to my next point. If you live in the U.S. & aren’t a Native American, you are, or one of your ancestors was an immagrant. This country is based on immagration; why are we now trying to outlaw people, who are looking for a better life, from coming here?

  20. I just made like 4 hot pockets, and now I’m going to eat them.

  21. He’s out of the race. Now he can get back to more important things, like practicing Law. And Order.

  22. I won’t vote for a Law & Order actor unless it’s BD Wong. I think the Wong would lead this country into greatness.

  23. I can’t believe you’ve made me into a minor celebrity! Why so negative about the GOP? The Republicans freed the slaves, saved the Union, created national parks, passed the Civil Rights Act, desegregated public schools, created the EPA, ended the Vietnam war, liberated over 50 million people in Afghanistan and Iraq, saved Kuwait, ended the Korean war, cut taxes and much more. Have we had another terrorist attack since 9/11/01? Think about it! BTW, did you know that the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. died a republican? Look it up!

  24. At the RNC the inimitable Fred Thompson was so smitten with not only himself, but with his new crush Mistress Palin that he took a moment to make one of the most memorable and profound comments in Political Speech History. He said, and I quote (obviously) “…and she’s the only Vice Presidential Nominee who can field dress a Moose…” slamming his fist in a downward motion to make this an even more important point. (quick note: I’m not actually sure how accurate that quote is in the sense of it being word for word which is kind of the point of quoting someone…but what’s important here is that he said some shit about his admiration for the fact that she could indeed field dress a Moose…whatever that means). I myself could probably field dress Palin if only given two things: One, a lesson on “How to” field dress something you’ve hunted down and killed and Two, the opportunity to do just that!!! One last note: I realize this has nothing to do with the original post and it’s subsequent fallout but I thought it worth bringing up. Also, I think Freddy said the thing about Palin/Moose/Field Dressing because, like most of us more sane people he wasn’t sure any of those Honkey’s were actually listening to his inane banter.

  25. 4kvb3h Tankhs alot – your answer solved all my problems after several days struggling

  26. oh my gosh, michael showalter! your “I don’t know, can you?” pic comes up in the top 25 when people google image search “coffee jokes.” that is pretty cool. pret-ty cool.

    there is also a nice cartoon of a tired-looking man wearing boxers and holding a mug of coffee that actually says, “coffee jokes.” just FYI.

    kindly,
    Abigail

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