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Interview in Village Voice

They railroaded me into talking politics. DAMN! Click me to read

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My Recent Onion Interview

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Click here to read my recent AV CLUB INTERVIEW

Transcript of Washington Post Online Chat with Me and MIB

Click me to read the transcript of the online chat Michael and I did with the Washington Post.

The Candidates & Their Stances

This is Hillary Clinton’s stance on health care.
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A Laundry List of How Many Things Have Gone Wrong So Far on This Particular Tour with Michael Black

1. I left my wallet in the cab on the way to Laguardia Airport.

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My wallet had my ID and my credit card in it without which I wouldn’t have been able to get my ticket and get on the plane. I was able to call the car service and the cab driver did come back to the airport and amazingly my wallet was in the cab. I did however have to pay him an additional $30 for making him return to the airport. In summary: lost wallet, stressed out, had to pay cab driver twice.

2. At security checkpoint in Laguardia Airport they confiscated a small tube of medicated hand lotion that I use for my dry hands.

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The medicated hand lotion probably cost $8. In addition, I had to deal with the stress of having them rummage through my stuff. In summary: Had $8 medicated hand lotion confiscated; got stressed out.

3. We had a flight change in Charlotte, NC en route to Dallas. I went outside to smoke a cigarette which meant having to check back in through security. I left my carry-on luggage at the check point.

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I got to my gate and they told me that I should run and get it. I ran all over the airport and couldn’t find the check point. I got really sweaty and stressed out. Never found the check point. Had to fly to Dallas without my luggage.

4. Drove from Dallas to Austin. When we got to Austin I borrowed the car so that I could buy clean clothes for the rest of my trip plus a new laptop battery charger for my computer. I got lost.

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It took me 4 hours to buy: 1 battery charger; 3 pairs of socks; 3 pairs of underwear; one pair pants; toiletries.

5. Lost my check from Austin show had to have the club cancel check and issue new one which will be sent to me by mail.

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6. Arrived Oakland airport. Rented car. Got lost driving to hotel in San Francisco.

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7. Left toothpaste in Austin. Had to buy toothpaste again.

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This is Me as a Character from Lord of the Rings

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This is a Picture of Me as a Young Democrat

Hi, my name is Michael Showalter and I am a young democrat. I am currently in my 2nd year of law school at The University of Chicago. I am voting for Chris Dodd. When I’m not working on the Dodd campaign I enjoy playing ultimate frisbee with my old college buddies from Weslyan, eating pad thai, jogging, watching PBS, smoking hashish, listening to old jazz LPs, talking about philosophy, and walking with my hands in my pockets.

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Setting the Record Straight Re: Fred Paxson

In response to my post: “My Response To All Of The Fred Thompson Supporters Who Left Comments On My Site” A commentor named volunteer said on 12 Jan 2008 at 7:32 pm:

“Frederick Paxson said: I did check his record. It’s on IMDB. He’s a TV actor, a doofus, and a buffoon. Fred, it sounds like your describing yourself judging from the stupid remark you made.”

Dear “Volunteer”,

Setting the record straight. No, Fred Paxson did not say that. I said that. Fred Paxson commented on my blog post titled: FRED THOMPSON IS THE NEW PERSON I HATE THE MOST. Here’s what Fred Paxson actually said. He said,

“FRED THOMPSON is the best person to lead this country. He is a true conservative and has been his entire life. All one has to do is check his record to see this. During my time in the Army as an Intelligence Analyst, I served under both Presidents Carter and Reagan (as my commanders in chief). Without argument, President Reagan was the best commander-in-chief a military person could ever have served under. Fred Thompson possesses the same qualities and vision as President Reagan in that he is strong on national defense and sees a dire need to secure our borders and control immigration.

I can think of no better person to lead this country and fix the problems we have. He is the only candidate from either party who has specific and detailed plans on border security and immigration reform; revitalization of America’s armed forces; saving and protecting Social Security; and tax relief and economic growth. These are detailed on his Web site at www.fred08.com . I challenge you to find any other candidate who has laid out specific plans to fix anything.

Fred Thompson has published his first principles, some of which are mentioned above. In addition to those, he strongly believes in individual liberty, personal responsibility, limited government, federalism, traditional American values, the rule of law and is a strong proponent of the Second Amendment — all concepts established during the birth of our country and documented in our Constitution.

Again, try to find any candidate who has laid out their plans to “fix” this country. You will find they all speak in vague and abstract terms on their plans.

For those who have heard Fred Thompson speak, you will usually hear him say that the Fred Thompson you see today is the same Fred Thompson you saw yesterday and is the same Fred Thompson you will see tomorrow. He stands by his principles and values and doesn’t shift his positions based on polls or public opinion; in other words, he doesn’t say what the voters want to hear just to get elected, but remains steadfast on his views and convictions.
During his time in the Senate he focused on three areas: to lower taxes, strengthen national security and expose waste in the federal government. Fred Thompson has foreign policy experience, having served as member of the Senate Foreign Relations and Senate Intelligence committees.

As chairman of the Senate Governmental Affairs Committee, he opened the investigation in 1997 on the Chinese government’s attempt to influence American policies and elections, and this investigation identified connections with the Clinton administration (documented in the committee’s report).

As a member of the Finance Committee, he worked tirelessly to enact three major tax-cut bills. Fred Thompson remains steadfast and even though a person may not agree with all his views and he understands some may disagree with him, you can count on him to be consistent and unwavering.

Don’t be fooled by his laid back approach and what critics call his “laziness.” As a former assistant U.S. attorney, he earned a reputation as a tough prosecutor and he possesses the toughness this country needs in order to tackle today’s and tomorrow’s issues.

I ask that you take a hard look at what this country needs, then take a hard look at all the other candidates’ views, policies, their records and their track record on consistency. Fred Thompson possesses integrity, loyalty, commitment, energy and decisiveness, all traits of an effective leader, and will emerge as the best person to take this country boldly forward.

Please help Fred win in South Carolina:
https://www.fred08.com/contribute.aspx RefererID=c637caaa-315c-4b4c-9967-08d864cd0791.”

So, what happened was that Fred Paxson encouraged me to check out Fred Thompson’s record and I responded that Fred Thompson was a TV actor and doofus and a buffoon. In fairness to Fred Paxson, he didn’t say that. I did.

Let me also say that I have absolutely no idea who Fred Paxson is. Nor do I know who you are. I am a random sketch comedian that wrote a tiny blog entry about how much of a buffoon Fred Thompson was and I have found myself in the middle of a stealth campaign protecting Mr. Thompson against negative spin. That said, I am enjoying myself immensely so please, by all means, let’s continue.

Here’s some anti-Fred Thompson sentiment for you to respond to: He’s the Devil. Agree? Disagree?

Sincerely,
Michael Showalter

Speed Reading

I just heard a radio ad for a speed reading program. The woman who invented the speed reading system says in the ad, “You’ll read ten times faster than you do now and the amazing thing is that you’ll comprehend everything you read.” So wait a minute? You’re telling me that not only will I read faster but I’ll understand what I’m reading too? That sounds too good to be true. Most speed reading programs help you read faster but you won’t understand a word of print. This new program which both teaches how to read fast AND understand the words you’re reading as you read them so quickly sounds AMAZING.

My Response to All of the Fred Thompson Supporters Who Left Comments on My Site

1.

Frederick Paxson said on 12 Jan 2008 at 3:44 am:

FRED THOMPSON is the best person to lead this country. He is a true conservative and has been his entire life. All one has to do is check his record to see this.

MY RESPONSE: I did check his record. It’s on IMDB. He’s a TV actor, a doofus, and a buffoon.

2.

Alan Srout said on 12 Jan 2008 at 3:54 am:

I think Fred can bring America back together, if that’s even possible. America needs a rebirth of patriotism and honor. Republicans also need a rebirth. President Reagan was our last rebirth and he can never be duplicated. Fred Thompson will bring his own down-to-earth common sense to this country.. A little of the good old days of faith, federalism and family would do well for this country. If a conservative runs as a conservative, he will win!
Think of it this way: Eight years of another Clinton White House? Now if that is not a sufficient enough reason to pull together as a nation, and fight this socialist liberal takeover of our government, what is? Folks, we are in for the fight of our lives, just as our young men and women are fighting for our freedoms in Iraq and Afghanistan, we must fight for our nation right here and now! I truly believe Fred Thompson is the one man who can pull this nation back together! Mike Huckabee, John McCain or Rudy Giuliani will just tear us apart.

MY RESPONSE: I think eight years of another Clinton White House would be great.

3.

Jack Burton said on 12 Jan 2008 at 3:57 am:

Go Fred! The man is a genuine conservative, a leader, a statesman, well spoken, and cool headed. The candidate for grown ups.

MY RESPONSE: Fred Thompson is not the candidate for grown-ups. He is the candidate for fans of his television and film acting work who don’t realize that he’s running for President.

4.

Joe said on 12 Jan 2008 at 3:58 am:

Since you want a national law banning smoking (like Huckabee) then you might be comfortable with a national law banning gay marriage! How about a national law banning idiot leftist bloggers who use their lipstick inappropriately….

MY RESPONSE: If gay marriage, or any kind of marriage for that matter, caused lung cancer I would be in favor of banning it. However, last time I checked, gay marriage does not cause lung cancer. And a “national law banning idiot leftist bloggers who use their lipstick innappropiately” sounds like a perfectly sound and reasonable suggestion. I have absolutely no idea what it means but I do feel that innappropriate lipstick use could be a real problem if it got out of hand so kudos for nipping it in the bud.

5.

Regina Carter said on 12 Jan 2008 at 4:08 am:

“When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.
When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.
When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.
When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn’t a Jew.
When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.”
Sure, you applaud Huckabee going after the smokers! But what will stop him from goring your ox? Think!

MY RESPONSE: If Huckabee gores my ox then it will mean that I had an ox which at the present seems unlikely considering I swore after my last ox that I wouldn’t get another one. That said: never say never.

6.

Samir said on 12 Jan 2008 at 4:19 am:

Fred Thompson is an old fuck stuck in the 1950’s.
Fuck him and corporate America.

MY RESPONSE: Agreed.

7.

American Man said on 12 Jan 2008 at 4:24 am:

Samir:What time is it there in Tehran? We don’t need your kind commenting on our elections. Go back to fucking your sheep and we’ll handle electing a leader for our country, okay?

MY RESPONSE: American Man – Do you have nothing better to do at 4:24 in the morning than be a a scary rascist on a random sketch comedians website? Can’t you be a scary rascist somewhere else?

8.

John Lott said on 12 Jan 2008 at 4:49 am:
Senator Thompson didn’t make a statement about smoking being allowed. He just said that it wasn’t the role of the federal government to pass such laws. He would say pass the bans at the state level if that is what you want to do.

MY RESPONSE: “Pass the bans” sounds funny taken out of context. Sorta sounds like, “Pass the buns.” Heh heh.