Comments on: Ten Things To Do To Impress a Lady on a Date

By: paul

paul — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 15:30:25 +0000

I think it’s important to really give your crutch a good scratch and then offer your date your hand to shake – it will go down if you haven’t washed for a while and there’s a good sweaty scent on your hand for her to savour.

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 21:39:47 +0000

my most recent date played out pretty close to steps one through nine… really wish he would have picked up on ten because my upchuck reflexs was hurting for some relief…

By: Mike Mayer

Mike Mayer — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 01:52:36 +0000

(I was kidding of course)… this is hilarious.

By: Steph

Steph — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 13:45:16 +0000

Or if you’re anything like michael black you could just skip the salad and go ahead and rape her.

By: eugene

eugene — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 12:20:53 +0000

Ah it was great man.I love it.

By: Fuoco

Fuoco — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 00:34:51 +0000

Wow, these are the worst pieces of advice I’ve ever heard for a date.

By: Giovanni

Giovanni — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:15:20 +0000

U actually mean,if I carry all these 10 lists,am gonna have a little booty 4 d day.

By: Another Idiot

Another Idiot — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 12:55:28 +0000

LOL @ the idiots who keep saying this is terrible advice. Dumbasses this is not a real list it’s a joke, it’s sarcastic humor.

By: Kai

Kai — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 18:49:18 +0000

It makes me laugh to no end that there are some people who have failed to realize that this list is sarcastic.

By: Jason

Jason — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 14:15:18 +0000

I am seriously shocked some people don’t know this is a joke!
Number 9 was my fave !

By: Mike Mayer

Mike Mayer — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 10:17:42 +0000

Wow. I really think this is a bunch of douchebaggery.

Basically a compilation of things NOT to do.

By: Lindsay

Lindsay — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 09:29:52 +0000

I love #1. I would marry someone if they did that!

By: Leo

Leo — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 14:24:32 +0000

Nice!

By: Mark

Mark — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 22:49:52 +0000

“6. When her meal arrives, touch her food to make sure it’s the right temperature. Do this with her water as well. Make sure it’s cold. Don’t be shy. Use your whole hand.”

This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.

By: Kate

Kate — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 08:46:24 +0000

If Michael Showalter And I Went On A Date – A Response:

1. Yes, I would be impressed, as I am perpetually horrified by how few people actually read and I like taking others out to dinner (and paying).

2. Negated by above payment arrangements. The tipping comment would receive a disapproving glare.

3. As the world’s pickiest eater (and rather sensitive about it), I would basically punch you in the face. And eat your hamburger.

4. Saves me money. Although I may become concerned about the possibility of an eating disorder, which I would test by ordering an extravagant dessert and talking a lot about ‘binging’.

3. See above

4. This would not phase me in the slightest. It would be a little bit punk rock.

5. I would be outrageously impressed by and interested in a person I hardly knew telling me about all of their personal shortcomings. Until the hamburger incident, of course. Then I would post it all on the internet in a blog I would call ‘Michael Showalter Is A Total Dick’.

6. Would not bother me, provided it preceded the “big ol’ dump”.

7. This is an obvious attempt to further mask a severe eating disorder. At that point I would begin secretly text messaging friends asking for hotline numbers I could pass along.

8. Off to purge, Michael? Really, this is getting out of hand.

9. The dessert trick worked. This isn’t a healthy way to live, you know.

10. Handy for removing the stink of vomit from your breath. Mike please, you know we all really care about you. We only want what’s best for you. You need to love YOURSELF as much as we love you.

And by ‘we’, I mean me. Fatty.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 20:51:31 +0000

You’re a very twisted person. I like it.

By: Colin

Colin — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 19:41:26 +0000

Everyone here can cry about how bad this is but i think its so funny i almost had a big ol crap in my pants laughing at it… two thumbs up!!

By: jamie

jamie — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 13:51:35 +0000

gosh, these all sound so familiar. did we go out at some point?

By: Creeper

Creeper — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 22:05:04 +0000

I love you.

By: alexa

alexa — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 05:16:20 +0000

That was my favorite top ten list ever that featured 12 points.

By: Gaby

Gaby — Sun, 05 Aug 2007 21:34:49 +0000

I want to go on a date with you.

By: Daniel

Daniel — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 22:06:49 +0000

I have to say, that I could not agree with you in 100% regarding s Blog : Ten Things To Do To Impress A Lady On A Date, but it’s just my opinion, which could be wrong :)

By: brian

brian — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 18:05:22 +0000

mr. showalter, please write a book.

By: Jakob

Jakob — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 14:05:30 +0000

This is exactly what I expected to find out after reading the title s Blog : Ten Things To Do To Impress A Lady On A Date. Thanks for informative article

By: Emily

Emily — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 19:24:39 +0000

What about telling her that you’ve finally mastered your vaginal fisting technique? That would impress any lady I know.

By: abby

abby — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 06:38:19 +0000

dude you should totally do a skit of this on your show

By: Kep

Kep — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 23:46:06 +0000

Buy her a drink then without saying a word, walk over to her and take it away. This will make her approach you.

I’ve done this, it works.

By: Steven

Steven — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 21:21:44 +0000

Girls also like it when you ask about their exboyfriends and then sympathize with them. For example: her saying “Justin always went out with his friends, and never included me”, and you respond with, “I sympathize with Justin, and I’m glad I asked you about him because now I want to be his friend. We should invite him on our next date, whenever or whereever that will be.”

By: Mr. John Pointthingsout

Mr. John Pointthingsout — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 10:36:48 +0000

There are 12 points made in this top ten list.

By: Jenn

Jenn — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 03:36:54 +0000

I’ve been on some bad dates. This list would maybe be less painful if young men /didn’t/ describe what gnarly things happened in the bathroom while I was stuck back at the table.

I went on a terrible first date a number of years ago:

“My ex-girlfriend calls this place ‘Cult Vegetarian.’ I forget what it’s really called. But look around. See? It’s definitely owned by some weird cult.”

“Wow! Did you know I briefly, accidentally joined a cult?”

“I didn’t!”

“Yeah, I did, though. I noticed it was a cult, eventually.”

“…”

Anyway, and yes. We dated for like two years after that. The problem is, no one knows a ‘dealbreaker’ when they see one, I guess.