Michael’s Thanksgiving Recipes
This is pumpkin pie but pronounced in a funny way. The “mp” is replaced with a “n” to give it a “Down Home” feel. Check any recipe book for directions.
Buy a pound of potatoes.
Put them in a bowl and mashed them up.
Add salt and butter.
Go to any supermarket frozen food section.
Buy a bag of frozen green beans.
Go home. Take out a frying pan. Put the frozen green beans in the pan.
Heat until hot. Add salt and pepper and butter. Serve.
LOAF OF BREAD
Go to a deli and buy a loaf of French bread.
Heat it up.
Go to your local deli or supermarket. Ask the guy where the canned gravy is. Go get the gravy. Buy it. Go home. Open the canned gravy with a can opener. Put the gravy in a sauce pan. Heat it. Put in a bowl. Put a serving spoon in the bowl. (Maybe buy two cans just in case people are really loving it.)
Chicken stock/Butter/Onions/Celery/Sage/Thyme/Parsely/Bread/Nutmeg/Raw egg/Butter/Apples. Chop it all up. Put it in a pan. Test it out at certain intervals. Improvise by adding a little more chicken stock. Keep baking it. Serve it. Recieve compliments. Feel good about yourself. Gloat about how great you are.
HOT APPLE CIDER
Buy farm suitable for growing apples. Preferably a pre-existing orchard that is up for sale.
Harvest apples. Process them. This may require a processing plant. Bottle and mass produce the cider. Save one jug for yourself. Pour into sauce pan. Heat. Add cinnamon stick and cloves for extra zing.
Go to dessert shop and purchase a box of pecan pie. Ask for their best one. This will make them like you because you are interacting with them. Take it home. Take it out of the box. Cut out a slice to make sure it’s good. Cut out another slice to double check. Eat one piece before bed tonight. Eat another piece after that. Eat a piece for breakfast tomorrow morning. Take remaining pieces, wrap in plastic, hide in fridge for a later date. Having now finished the pie, take tin and throw out.
1 Turkey (12 lbs.)
1 Duck (5 lbs.)
1 Chicken (4 lbs.)
1 Hamburger meat (1/4 lbs.)
1 Hot Dog
1 Sausage Link
Stuff the hot dog in the chicken’s butt. Stuff the chicken up the duck’s butt. Stuff the duck with the chicken up its butt up the turkey’s butt. Stuff the turkey’s mouth with hamburger meat. Stuff the sausage up your own butt. Let simmer.