Black/Sho Tour Day Two: Providence

DAY TWO: PROVIDENCE

(Sho) We drove from Northampton to Providence. The foliage is breathtaking. Autumn is in full bloom just like a blooming onion but different in so many ways. One way is that it’s leaves not onions. All the vibrant shades of orange, red, yellow hues, clashing together creating a beautiful quilt in the sky for me to curl up in and watch the boob tube (“One Tree Hill”) with a bag of microwave popcorn and a mug of hot apple cider with a cinnamon stick in it and my old golden retriever Sally by my side.

Foliage in full bloom like an onion.
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(Black) Showalter’s golden retriever Sally has been shedding EVERYWHERE! It’s a real problem, as I am HIGHLY allergic to dander. Not just pet dander, either. Any kind of dander. Elk dander, for example. Fish dander. Any kind of dander. As a consequence, I have the worst case of hives. I also have a very bad case of chives, which is weird. Because chives is not something you normally “come down with,” but there you go. I suspect I got them as a result of the foliage blooming like an onion. As I’m sure you are aware, chives are in the onion family. So are scallions, but I don’t have those.

More full bloom onion leaves.
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The drive was brief, but fun. We arrived in the greater Providence area, and checked into our hotel in Pawtucket. They should call that place Paw Suck It, because it sucked pretty bad. But it was only five minutes from downtown. After checking in, I rubbed one out, and then we went into town to see what was what.

Hilarious shot of Black pumping gas and giving thumbs up.
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(Sho) I rubbed one out too. I rubbed out a picture from a headstone with charcoal and a sketch pad. It was at an Art Fair at RISD (Rhode Island School of Design.) Mike bought some beautiful drip art and I bought some photo albums made out of veggie paper.

The RISD Art Fair (Arts & Farts Fair if you ask me.)
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RISD students are cool if you like FAGS (or metal scultpure because that’s big over there.) We took a stroll through the campus of Brown University where I barely graduated from back in the early ‘90s when Kurt Cobain wasn’t dead yet. Then we discovered that our show was 6:30pm at not 8pm so we high-tailed it over to Lupo’s for the show. Mike held us back though because he had to take a big dump and so I waited in Starbucks for like an hour while he poo’d his brains out. That’s not true. It wasn’t an hour.

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(Black) It was forty five minutes. I had a log that required some very long and steady unspooling. It was a delicate operation and it took forty five minutes. That’s not the kind of thing you want to rush because the goal is to get it out in one, unbroken piece and any quick movements or jerks could upset the entire apple cart. But it was worth it: it was definitely worth it.

Whoever heard of a comedy show at 6:30 on a Saturday? That’s not a good comedy time. 6:30 doesn’t sound funny. Even 6:45 sounds funnier than 6:30. “World News Tonight” is on at 6:30. That’s not funny (unless Art Linkletter is reading the news. He can read the phone book, and it would be funny). Surprisingly there was a good crowd on hand. Somewhere between four and five hundred people. Oddly, it was the SAME four or five hundred people from the night before. How do I know it was the same people? I recognized them. I have a photographic memory and I recognized them. It helped things that they were standing in the exact same places. Some of them were wearing different clothes, but that didn’t fool me. The reason we had to go so early was because there was a band playing after us called “The Saw Doctors.” They had the 9:30 slot. 9:30 is a very funny slot. But I don’t think they’re a comedy band. I think they’re an Irish roots band. That’s not funny. Unless they’re drunk. Which they usually are.

The show was good. Michael tried out the new picture he drew of what a teenage boy Smurf looks like jerking off to internet porn. So that was classy. I decided to forgo my act in favor of doing an education lecture about whales. I couldn’t tell if they were disappointed that they weren’t hearing jokes, but I think I more than made up for it by the LENGTHY discussion of the eating habits of the grey whale.

Black doing his “Lamp Shade” bit at Lupo’s.
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(Sho) After the show we were invited to a monster lab by a local puppeteer from a troupe called Big Nazo. It was really cool in a “what the fuck are we doing in a monster lab?” sort of way. If I’d made a list of things I saw myself doing in Providence, Rhode Island, I can say with certainty that going to a local monster lab would not have even cracked the top five. That having been said, his creations were both funny to look at, squishy and smelled like foam. Michael freaked out when he saw the Jabba creation and forced me to snap a photo.

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I’m really happy that Michael didn’t bring his camera because that means I get to take pictures of Michael looking glum for the next three weeks. I’m SWO lucky!

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10 comments

  1. I may be wrong, but did Michael freak out because the Jabba thing reminded him of that log he’d masterfully created? Excuse me, I have a rancid, filthy mind.

  2. You know, I don’t think the topic of LS (long shits) should be made into a joke. I spend 1/22nd of my day on the T (toilet), trying to get through my LS’s. Just really irks me offensively.

  3. love it all- am very excited to see you two!

  4. What does a teenage teenage boy Smurf jerking off to internet porn look like?

  5. Fruffo Fart Butt Hawaii Five Oh Mah Darling Pimp Juice

    Calling Pawtucket RI “Paw Suck It” would just confuse matters because it is just south of the Massachusetts town Paw Suck It. An interesting note, the town of Paw Suck It is named for an old Native American phrase for grating cheese over pasta. Which explains why there are three Olive Gardens in the greater Paw Suck It area.

  6. Whoaa gas is expensive in Paw Suck It. It’s under $2 here in Atlanta.

    Anyway, I’m exicted that your tour has finally started. See you at the Roxy!

  7. It’s under $2 in Atlanta? Bullshit. It’s still crazy in Chicago. Which segues nicely into my excitement over this Friday when I will be seeing the Michaels at the Metro! You’ll notice me, I’ll be the short girl trying desperately to jump and look over people’s heads.

  8. David Schmaltenblatter

    Where do ya’ll live when you’re not on tour? If you leave near Brooklyn, I could totally drop by your house one day for no reason and give you a big hug!

  9. Hi…I found your site via Yahoo! when i was searching for art linkletter, and this post regarding s Blog : Black/Sho Tour Day Two: Providence really sounds very interesting to me.. Thanks.

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