I’ve been gone for too long. What is my fucking problem?
Well, for one thing, I have a potty mouth. (As evidenced by my use of the word fuck in the sentence just prior to this sentence.) Although, perusing that last sentence I’m realizing I said “fuck” there too, which means that I didn’t need to say “in the sentence just prior to this sentence”, because, while only a reference, I did in fact use the word fuck in that sentence so I wasted precious space.
But I digress. Now, had I been in a particulary silly mood, which I am not, I might have said, “Butt, I digress.” But that would have been silly, stupid and I’m not in that kind of mood. So, I continue, by saying, Butte I digress. As in, Butte, Idaho. Idaho. That’s a funny word. I’d a ho pay for whoopee if I was particularly hard up for sex.” As in: I would pay a hooker for tang if I was horny.
But really, what am I talking about? That’s always the question.
I’m talking about the fact that I’ve been gone for too long. Truth be told I’ve been over there at myspace www.myspace.com/michaelshowalter blogging like a damn foo. Now, when I say “foo”, I mean “fool.” So anyway, I’ve been over there at www.myspace.com/michaelshowalter blogging like a damn foo and all the while neglecting my own home. It’s like that saying, “Don’t shit where you eat.” Now, truth be told, I often shit where I eat. Especially if where I eat is in an Indian restaurant. Ba-dum-dum! Hey! Thank you Ladies and Germs I’m here all week.
But seriously, folks: I’m back and I’m better than ever! I’m new and improved just like Crest baby! That’s right! I have a new thing which fights plaque and bleaches your teeth and makes tartar into gold and answers your mail for you and runs on vegetables instead of gasolene and can tape four different tv shows simultaneously (Project Runway, Top Chef, Sportscenter, Oprah, eg). I’ll even represent you in court.
For instance: here’s some photos of our summer tour in Seattle.
This is the club CHOP SUEY. My name is on the marquee. That means I’m really fucking great.
That’s Leo putting on a show before the show. Leo’s exotic dance routine will turn any straight man gay, any gay man more gay, any girl into a WOMAN.
See, even Leo knows it’s hot.
This is a just a taste of what’s to come. In the future I will be blogging about (in no particular order)
- Lance Bass’ homosexuality.
- The nuclear arms race.
- Nicole Ritchie’s skinny legs.
- American foreign policy in the middle east.
- Boobs v. butts.
- Architecture in the pre-Cambrian era
- The No Theatre of Japan.
- Why I love hamburgers.
- Existentialism in the modern American novel.
- The history of the Netherlands
- Bible imagery
All this and much, much, more. Please stay tuned…