Tour Day 4 – Portland

Tour Day 4: Final push towards Portland. Many moments of beautiful landscape.
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Zak told us all about the superflood and how the superflood is what causes the landscape out here to look the way it does.
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I can’t tell you anything about what a superflood is other than that Zak told us all about it and that he sounds like he knows what he’s talking about. Maybe you could Google it or something. We saw a Mountain and we thought it was the volcano Mt. Rainier…
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…but then we saw a sign which said it was called Mt. Hood. We were way less impressed by it when we realized it wasn’t a volcano. Here I am taking a nap/doing my best impression of a vagrant. We wondered if lots of crystal meth addicts lived in Idaho and if so what did they do all day? (Besides snorting crystal meth of course.)
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We arrived in Portland at around 3pm. We found our hotel – The Hotel DeLuxe which was very deluxe. It was Old Hollywood themed. The beds were like clouds. Very nice hotel. If you’re ever in Portland I highly recommend you stay in the Hotel Deluxe. They had 24 hour room service. Flat screen TVs. Very nice. We went to Dante’s to do our set up.
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Funny sign. The guys thought it was funny that it said Trainwreck next to my name. Trainwreck is Kyle Gass from Tenacious D’s band. Dante’s is a cool club in Portland.
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Storm Large performs there every Wednesday night and people love her.
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Now she’s one of the finalists on Tommy Lee’s awesome reality show SuperNova. But first we did this great show in Portland called “Live Wire!” This is Portland’s version of Pairie Home Companion. The show is hosted by an old college chum named Courtenay Hameister.
They do live sketches with old timey radio sound effects and they have poets and musicians on the show. Leo, Eugene and I each did about 4 or so minutes of material.
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Leo and I went first and were going to do Eugene’s jokes but chickened out. There was a fantastic fiddle player named, I think, Darryl Anger…that could be wrong, not sure.
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It was really fun. They asked us questions. We tried to answer them in a funny way, sometimes we succeeded, sometimes we didn’t so much. Here’s the website address, maybe you can listen to the show http://www.livewireradio.org. Then the Portland was fabulous. I’m not bragging but the show was sold out. Okay, I’m kind of bragging. Portland is a GREAT city. It reminds me of Brooklyn but on the west coast. It was very hot though too.
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Over a thousand million degrees. My nose melted off like Inspector Clouseau in Pink Panther. JK. It didn’t melt off and it wasn’t a thousand million degrees, it was only over a hundred degrees and i did sweat like a sow pig but nothing melted off. After the show we went out to a local bar and started a few fist fights. I pummeled some fuckin’ dick cause I didn’t like the way he was eyeballin’ me. I learned him somehting good. I rearranged his face. Before he met me his face was a Botticelli. Now it’s a Jackson Pollack. I’m just kidding. I didn’t get into a fight. In conclusion: Portland is good. It rains there from October to July.

8 comments

  1. Superflood – no relation to Superfly.

  2. I like that naked man on that billboard above your name.

  3. the website address is missing!

  4. do you have a license for zees minkey?

    wow the superflood theory traces its roots back 8,500 years!…which reminds me, i’m so old, the only dating i’m gonna be doing is carbon dating. har de har har…

  5. Mt. Hood is, in fact, an inactive volcano that, like Mt. St. Helens (and Rainier, for that matter), could suddenly become active again at any moment. Several small earthquakes a year happen deep under the mountain. A sign from ancient astronauts…?

    I am SO hoping you guys got to Powell’s Bools while in Portland, or I will cry like a damn baby. Best bookstore on the planet.

  6. Oh so thats the famous Storm Large you’re so fond of! I pictured her much differently. Large….like Mama Cass. She’s strikingly beautiful instead. Good call Sho, good call. I may recant my statement about backing Clover.

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