Tour Day 2 – Salt Lake City (July 17th)

Tour Day Two.

Destination Salt Lake City. Only a nine hour drive. Yeah ry-ite! Only 500-something miles from Denver. Didn’t get the best night of sleep. Feeling a bad protein hangover from meat overdose on Tour Day One. Zak, heroically, does all the driving. Lots of beautiful landscape. Denver to Utah cuts through Wyoming. Wyoming is flat and kind of spare. Sort of what you’d expect.
Barren Wyoming landscape. Perfect for a Western.
More barren Wyoming landscape. Perfect for a Western too…
here we see the landscape changing towards more mountains and hills and Grand Canyon looking stuff in Utah.

I postulated that there’s lots of Neo Nazis in Wyoming as well as Anti-Government militias. There’s cool people there too though. I have a family friend who lives in Casper. Big debate in van about baseball ethics.
Action shot of Eugene taking a nap.

Guy talk. Male bonding. Extensive listening to music from Zak’s iPod. Zak has given me permission to list some of the artists he played: Imogen Heap; Kid Koala; Danko Jones; Divine Comedy; Boards Of Canada. Discussion in van ranged from comedy to politics: Is Dane Cook funny? I think he’s funny. I do. Do I love him? Is he as funny as Woody Allen? No, of course. Do I like him? Yeah, I like him. Does George Bush experience empathy? We think no. We arrive in Salt Lake City. We check the census report from 2000 and are stunned to discover that the population of SLC is under 200,000. Denver is just over 500,000. Anchorage, amazingly, is bigger than SLC according to census report. Burt’s Tikki Lounge was voted by Stuff Magazine as one of the best dive bars in America. It’s very cool.
here’s some shots of Burt’s. Across the street was just a big mountain range!
This was the view across the street from Burts.
The show that night went well. It was very full.
here’s the dudes hanging around pre-show.
There were some drunken women at the bar who seemed to be kind of heckling though I wasn’t sure. I guess they wanted some attention. I made a joke about Cat Power and one of them gave me the finger. By the way this isn’t a picture of the drunken women. This is just a picture of the great crowd at Burt’s!
TOURBURTS4.jpg Apparently you’re not allowed to discuss Cat Power on stage. I wasn’t even making fun of Cat Power (not that I wouldn’t if I wanted to.) I asked her why she was giving me the finger and she said that it was because I was talking about Cat Power. Okay. You like Cat Power. That’s fine. I do too. Please don’t flip me the bird just because I’m talking about her. I won’t hurt her. I promise. Another one of them told me to “shut the fuck up” which I found strange considering I was being paid by the club to be on stage doing stand-up. I guess I was providing a distraction from the loud, slurry voiced conversation she was having with her friend about how her farts smelled like grapefruits or something. It was a little hard to tell though not for a lack of them talking louder than I was and I was on a microphone mind you. That was truly awkward – to be told to shut the fuck up. Normally I’m pretty good about that kind of thing but it threw me a bit. Another wierd thing happened – Just as I went on stage a young bearded gentelman came up the stage and handed me a cannister of shaving cream and told me to keep it. It was a gift. I didn’t know why he was giving me shaving cream? Maybe because he wanted me to shave? He told me to read the label. It said something about Gary Hall Jr. He screamed out, “He’s got diabetes!” I was very shaken and confused. I told the bearded man who gave me the shaving cream that I hated him (or something to that effect.) Then I apologized and said that I was tired from a nine hour drive between Denver and Salt Lake (though to be fair Zak did all the driving), and I said that I had eaten grotesque sums of meat, and that I was in a strange city and now I’m being handed shaving cream and people are giving me the finger. It was funny. After the show the woman who told me to shut the fuck up told me that she was actually telling the bouncer to shut the fuck up because he had told her to shut the fuck up and I said that either way she was being distracting and that was unfair to me and the other audience.
Also not a photo of the drunk girl
If you’re reading this girl who told me/the bouncer in SLC to shut the fuck up I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have acted so snooty after the show. After the show we went to another bar and played pool with some locals. The bar had lots of peanut shells on the floor and Eugene remarked that it looked as though an “elephant had been there.” I found that funny and laughed mightily.


  1. i love reading your blogs. my farts smell like grapefruits. people in towns that look like that are supposeda be crazy. this is what makes us better than them.

  2. aww, Showbloat (from the “grotesque sums of meat”) I’m so sorry you had to go through that. i say shake the dust off your comedic sandals from SLC and move on. they’re simply not worthy! this was a very interesting tour diary entry tho’…more, more! on the other hand, you definitely held your own with your interview with Jesse Thorn (how is he America’s Radio Sweetheart? he’s so bizarre…poor guy, i think he’s suffering from radio burnout…some of his questions seemed too much into industry-mechanics blather) and I love how you kept using the word “arc”. all that said, i find that drinking lemonade or some acidic (not Hassidic) fruity drink helps out with cow overdose.

    p.s. you should be impressed with your own resume…

  3. sarahahahahaha

    i pretty much can wait until mr black and you come to chicago. then you can be snooty to meeeeeEEEEEEEeeeee! although if i cry maybe youll sign my pack of big league chew

  4. first we were going to go to san francisco for vacation. but california is real far away. so we were going to go to the grand canyon because it’s title hinted at something worth seeing, something impressive. plus, we would be in denver for a certain show at the Bluebird. but then the weather men of america told us that it was nearing a jillion degrees in the southwest. a jillion. degrees. so we set our eyes on chicago. and the car broke down halfway there. the country inn in grinnell iowa has a very pleasent staff. pool could have been cooler though.

  5. I am really glad that you gave the bearded guy shit, to be honest, because I know him personally, and he is Lord Of The Douchebags. When he showed me that he was going to give it to you, I had a very similar “what the fuck” reaction to him. He’s sort of a local celebrity, for what exactly I don’t know, so it was nice to see him get wit-clobbered. The best part was when he talked about how you were a dick to him, and then I saw him like five minutes later telling you that you were a god to him. AWESOME I TELL YOU.

  6. Wow. What a surreal experience Michael. I’ll never understand why people who obviously are “in” to you (why take the time and money to see someone if you’re not?) act like complete and utter morons when in your presence. In any case, your “snapping” is more than justifiable. Yelling during the show (for whatever reason) or insulting insane remarks and gifts (?) would put anyone into a funk.

    I’ve met you in Chicago, and will go down on record as saying you are a sweet, cordial, accomodating fellow. Anyone who says otherwise is nothing but a bucket of turds.

    And speaking of buckets of turds, George Bush DEFINITELY has no empathy.

  7. Fun fact: in Utah, there’s a law that makes it a felony to mention Cat Power in public.

  8. what kind of camera do you use? you take shitty/nice pictures.

  9. I just watched “The World’s Fastest Indian” with Anthony Hopkins in it. It took place partially in Utah. Yeah, I’ve never been to Utah.

  10. So So so tell me about Frisco! I’m so bummed that I didn’t get to go. I’m making a personal request. Pweety Pweese tell me more, tell me more, was it love at first sight?

  11. Renee-

    I must say, this is the first time I agree with you. It’s so true; who pays to heckle unless you’re a moron.

    People are morons, as a part-time moron myself, I apologize Michael.

  12. Dane Cook? I’m disappointed.

  13. Boycott Michael Showalter for dissing Cat Power!

  14. did you check the false bottom on that can of shaving foam to see if he might have been smuggling dinosaur DNA out of Jurassic Park? just a thought…

    Andy, i don’t think he was dissing her, he was just discussing her..

  15. always remember to keep it gangsta

  16. Yeah the pop of SLC is small because the city is small. But to get the true sense of the city, you have to add in the population of the surrounding towns (N Salt Lake, S Salt Lake, Magna, Sandy, West Valley CIty, Bountiful, Layton, etc.)

  17. A little late in commenting, just found the “site”, but thanks a bunch for the show. I rushed right from a grooling 10 hour shift on my bike to come see. The place was packed and I cried a little. One of you took a picture of me and I went home happy. I wish you all had stayed longer for drinks. What bar did you actually head to, I wonder? (Peanuts and all)

  18. Hey Michael. Great site. Your blog is seriously so much fun! I laugh my @$$ off everytime I read it! LOL! A/S/L?

    Moving along, Salt Lake Cityans (is that a word, LOL, BRB…)
    Yeah, so SLC-ians sure sound stupid. I would not want to have to go up against a crowd that worships Joseph Smith Jr. and believes in having more than one wife. Actually, that’d be totally awesome! More action for me!! Man, seriously, wouldn’t that be awesome? Like, having more than one wife. Oh my gosh, could you imagine? It’d be so sweet to, like, bang a different chick each night. Oh my gosh, seriously. Oh my gosh, that’s like, a dream come true. Dude, honestly!

    Anyways, I gotta go. This is so much fun, but in all seriousness, SLC sucks and you are hilarious. I just love this new Internet thing, though. Isn’t it so fun!

    Ruth Buzzi and Le Petomane

  19. I think Casper is in South Dakota. I am not from there. I just know. It is bee-yoo-tea-ful there. You should go.

  20. Not like you wouldn’t know where you were or something. I’m just saying you should, uh, go there too. shit.

  21. South Dakota has a stunning aray of potential sights, for instance Mt. Rushmore, the Crazyhorse Memorial, Bear Country, the Badlands, Wall Drug and Old MacDonalds Farm which has pig races every hour! Quite a place.

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