I Wish It Were…

October and crisp and cold (like Iceberg lettuce? Maybe.) Here I am in my Halloween costume. What do you call an empy hot dog? A hollow weenie. Or something to that effect.


I was a boxer in my early youth. When I was seven. Camp Academy. We learned of “upper cuts” and “crosses” and “jabs.” I was a bleeder. Quick hands though. Great power and notable for my agile movements and good foot work. But I was a bleeder. One punch to my nose and I bled too much. Fight was always being called. But oh my hand speed. And I had the boxers mind too. Yes. Strategic! Violent! But cautious. Wait…wait…wait…find the opening…wait for your moment michael…attack! You’ve got him on the ropes! Attack! Beat him! Beat his butt! Punch! Punch! Jab! Right hand! Left! Counter! You’ve got him! Go! Attack! Wait…fuck! He hit me in my nose! Fuck! I’m bleeding! Wait…no! Don’t call the fight! No…don’t call it…shit…ow…I’m bleeding…


And then here we have a picture I drew of a Smurf’s penis. (Just turned 36 in June by the way.)



  1. Stand up and cheer! Stand up and cheer for the dear old A-ca-de-my! For…to…day we raise the black and blue above the rest! (jab! cross! hook!) Our boys are fighting all the girls and they are bound to win the fray! So (something something something) kay-ah! For this is dear old Academy’s day-ay-ay… hey!!

  2. Is that a Smurf’s penis in your blog or are you just glad to see me?

  3. Hollow weenie, that’s gross.

  4. I don’t know if it’s the drugs Doug, but I’m very amused by your embarrasment to the fact you just realized your age after you pridefully introduced your drawring of a smurfs penis.


  5. you should try to grow a twirly mustache.

  6. this is a little off topic, but i think you look like this guy. just a little!

  7. ok so if i am 18 and you are 36 that would mean i’m half your age. is it wrong that you are twice as old as me and i still think your incredibly hott?

  8. I learned jabs- but I like the yoga.

    Already planning for Halloween? I’m going as a pirate.

  9. Now those, are what I call, “blue balls.”

  10. They should do a Smurf porno movie, because Smurfette was the only female smurf. It could be called something like “Smurf Cock Explosion” or “The Smurf 500.” Imagine it, it would be a Smurf gangbang.


  11. Dear Mikey Sho,

    Being a bleeder just means your heart is pumping better than most people’s. I’m in that position too, you know. One time someone kicked me in the thumb and I bled all over the place. I have a scar and everything. How many people have scars on their thumb because someone kicked them there? Huh? That’s right, only the chosen one has such a scar.

    Do you have any interesting scars and could you draw a picture of any interesting and unique scars you do have? I also have the phone number for a well known clown carved into my back. That’s a very sad story, though. You might see me on Maury Povich talking about it on the special episode entitled “I was raped by a clown as a birthday present.”

    I get the impression that clown rape is actually a cliche these days though, so i’m sorry if anyone reading this is thinking I stole a clown rape joke (I probably did).

    The smurf cock is very impressive. Do you post a lot of fan fiction under a pseudonym, because i’m pretty sure i’ve seen a similar picture on http://www.smurffuck.com.

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