Why I Hate Mosquitoes

Why I hate mosquitoes.
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1. They literally suck.
2. They’re very ugly. I know that’s superficial but it’s true. They have long spindly legs. They’re dogs. They have very ugly wings. Swans are better looking. Also, in the insect world I think that ants and bees are hotter looking than mosquitos.
3. They suck blood from me like vampires only they aren’t vampires. They’re buzzy little insects. Vampires at least are immortal and smart and sexy. Mosquitoes can’t do shit.
4. When they bite me I get very itchy and it makes hate the summer very much. (see “Why I Hate Heat”)
5. They have no sense of humor what so ever. It’s well-known that mosquitoes, like Germans, have no sense of humor. Who’s funnier German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder or funnyman Dave Chappelle? That’s easy, Dave Chappelle, right? Well, it’s the same thing with mosquito. Who’s funnier mosquito or German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder? That’s tough. Honestly though I can tell you with total conviction that the answer is Gerhard Schroeder. His set-ups are crap but he has some very funny “yo momma” jokes. His are sort of German so that they don’t make as much sense but I’ll try one out for you. He says, “Yo momma is so verklempt that she she has to quadruple up on schnitzel just to keep from kerplotzing! Ha! That’s so funny.

12 Comments

  • Fleisch
    Posted June 16, 2006 at 10:10 pm

    In honor of your birthday (myspace.com alerted me, don’t get scared or anything) - check out this interesting article that explains why Germans aren’t funny: http://www.guardian.co.uk/germany/article/0,,1781004,00.html

  • Apeface
    Posted June 17, 2006 at 4:37 pm

    Fleisch, thanks for sharing that article! Very interesting.

  • Posted June 18, 2006 at 3:13 am

    yeah mosquitos should be taken down! lets get those little buggers!

  • melinda
    Posted June 18, 2006 at 12:50 pm

    but what’s worse, mosquitos or the sun?

  • Posted June 18, 2006 at 3:17 pm

    mosquitos in the sun

  • Rhoda Dendron
    Posted June 18, 2006 at 9:36 pm

    sand flies!

  • Posted June 19, 2006 at 7:57 pm

    Mosquitos are whores, but here’s a tip to keep them away…

    Dont eat bananas.

    I read somewhere that the potassium attracts them like crazy.

    Cheap crack-whore mosquitos.

  • Renee
    Posted June 19, 2006 at 8:23 pm

    Mosquitos need a good slap. Right across their entire body. That’s what I do. You should too. Down with Mosquitos!

    Take that you bleeding heart Liberals!

  • Jennifer
    Posted June 19, 2006 at 11:40 pm

    One of my roommates in college was from Germany and I found her to be quite hilarious. She would say things like, “It’s pissing outside!” and “Your bunny is very fluffy!”

    One night she came into my room and said “I am stalker here to kill you!” But she also left candies in our shoes per the German Christmas tradition. It was fun to tease her and say that you knew she liked David Hasselhoff just because she was German.

  • camille
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 10:09 pm

    yes mosquitos suck, and can give heartworm to dogs/cats. They must be eliminated. Mosquitos, not dogs/cats. Unless you hate dogs/cats, which then makes me not trust you and/or think you’re a good person.

  • azza
    Posted November 2, 2007 at 11:22 pm

    hahahah get the sun to burn up all the mosquitoes cos theyre both bitches.

  • Emily W.
    Posted December 3, 2007 at 6:07 am

    mozzys suck i agree!!
    Azza? Oh my god..are u aaron soh??? sorry if i’m wrong, just had to ask…

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