Why I Hate Mosquitoes

Why I hate mosquitoes.
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1. They literally suck.
2. They’re very ugly. I know that’s superficial but it’s true. They have long spindly legs. They’re dogs. They have very ugly wings. Swans are better looking. Also, in the insect world I think that ants and bees are hotter looking than mosquitos.
3. They suck blood from me like vampires only they aren’t vampires. They’re buzzy little insects. Vampires at least are immortal and smart and sexy. Mosquitoes can’t do shit.
4. When they bite me I get very itchy and it makes hate the summer very much. (see “Why I Hate Heat”)
5. They have no sense of humor what so ever. It’s well-known that mosquitoes, like Germans, have no sense of humor. Who’s funnier German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder or funnyman Dave Chappelle? That’s easy, Dave Chappelle, right? Well, it’s the same thing with mosquito. Who’s funnier mosquito or German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder? That’s tough. Honestly though I can tell you with total conviction that the answer is Gerhard Schroeder. His set-ups are crap but he has some very funny “yo momma” jokes. His are sort of German so that they don’t make as much sense but I’ll try one out for you. He says, “Yo momma is so verklempt that she she has to quadruple up on schnitzel just to keep from kerplotzing! Ha! That’s so funny.

14 comments

  1. In honor of your birthday (myspace.com alerted me, don’t get scared or anything) – check out this interesting article that explains why Germans aren’t funny: http://www.guardian.co.uk/germany/article/0,,1781004,00.html

  2. Fleisch, thanks for sharing that article! Very interesting.

  3. yeah mosquitos should be taken down! lets get those little buggers!

  4. but what’s worse, mosquitos or the sun?

  5. mosquitos in the sun

  6. Rhoda Dendron

    sand flies!

  7. Mosquitos are whores, but here’s a tip to keep them away…

    Dont eat bananas.

    I read somewhere that the potassium attracts them like crazy.

    Cheap crack-whore mosquitos.

  8. Mosquitos need a good slap. Right across their entire body. That’s what I do. You should too. Down with Mosquitos!

    Take that you bleeding heart Liberals!

  9. One of my roommates in college was from Germany and I found her to be quite hilarious. She would say things like, “It’s pissing outside!” and “Your bunny is very fluffy!”

    One night she came into my room and said “I am stalker here to kill you!” But she also left candies in our shoes per the German Christmas tradition. It was fun to tease her and say that you knew she liked David Hasselhoff just because she was German.

  10. yes mosquitos suck, and can give heartworm to dogs/cats. They must be eliminated. Mosquitos, not dogs/cats. Unless you hate dogs/cats, which then makes me not trust you and/or think you’re a good person.

  11. hahahah get the sun to burn up all the mosquitoes cos theyre both bitches.

  12. mozzys suck i agree!!
    Azza? Oh my god..are u aaron soh??? sorry if i’m wrong, just had to ask…

  13. I del silly for googleing “I hate mosquitoes” but now I am relieved that I am not the only one who has taken to the internet. Like seriously, why are they here? All they are good for is spreading West Nile. I would rather get bitten by an ant.

  14. I felt silly for googleing “I hate mosquitoes” but now I am relieved that I am not the only one who has taken to the internet. Like seriously, why are they here? All they are good for is spreading West Nile. I would rather get bitten by an ant.

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