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Michael Showalter’s Bogus Journey Into Night: “Night of a Thousand Zogs!”

Of course I started by paying homage to the works of the two men who inspired the title. Starting with character actor Kanu Reevis.

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And then Pulitzer Award winning dramatist Eugene O’Neill.

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And then the fireworks began: Night Of A Thousand Zogs!

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In the end, the show was a hit! Here’s Zog’s backside.
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That’s Zog. He’s doing his “Flashdance” dance. He’s wearing sweater sweater sleeves as leg warmers. Zog is to dance costumes what Macgyver is to building crazy contraptions. Ingenuity. “Night Of A Thousand Zogs” was dedictated to the many dance routines of my old friend Seth.

Great crowd was in attendance to see the show. I love Rififi. It’s just got a perfect vibe. And it’s not that hot. In the sweltering heat it’s nice to be somewhere cool that’s also “coooool” like the way the hipsters are.

Wonder Woman Dance. Seth lip synchs all the different parts. Another amazing home-made costume.

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The band was Pooch Punt. Toby Miller, Robert Perle and Joel Oppenheimer. All guys that Seth and I grew up with. They sang some really great cover songs – “White Lines”; “Baker Street”, “Got To Get You Into My Life.”

“My Introduction” Doodle

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“CBS Poopy News” Doodle

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Et tu Bruce?

I hate this bozo.
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“Two Gentelmen Talking Over Coffee” Doodle

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My New Look Part Deux

This is “Aaron”. “Aaron” needs to use a fake name because he is being chased by a pimp who he owes money to. “Aaron” wants to be a professional body builder/personal trainer. “Aaron” likes death metal and Ultimate Fighting Championships. “Aaron’s” favorite band of all-time is Ozzy Osbourne. “Aaron” is twice divorced and way in debt. “Aaron” lives at home with his parents and teaches English as a Second Language two weekends a month at the local YMCA. “Aaron” has had several brushes with the law, mostly for public urination. “Aaron” will be competing in the Buck’s Country Karaoke Contest this weekend at Chi Chi’s at the Quaker Bridge Mall. “Aaron” will be singing Send Her My Love by Journey. “Aaron” sings in a high tenor and is known to awkwardly and unconciously pump his crotch while he sings.
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Table of Constance

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Yankee Doodle Dandy

From today’s NYT Sports Section: (An article about A-Rod’s bad clutch hitting)

“When you talk about the Yankees you’re talking about world champions,” Torre said. “And that’s where it all comes from. There’s that, ‘We’re trying to win the World Series, and he’s making out. You’re keeping us from getting there.’ I think that’s the mentality.”

I’d like to direct your attention to his quote, “There’s that, ‘We’re trying to win the World Series, and he’s making out…” Wait. Did he say, “making out”? What does that have to do with anything? So he likes to lock the lips with his beautiful wife every now and again. So what? Everyone likes a bit of tonsil hockey here and there. So sue the guy? Come on, folks! We don’t live ye olden dark ages anymore! We live in the 20th Century! We live in the time of cellphones and beepers and pagers and DVD music! You’re gonna shove a stick up a guy’s butt cause he likes to smooch his philly?! Big deal! How about the guy who pouring juice in his gullet on a nightly basis and I’m not talking about apple juice or orange juice or tomato juice or prune juice or clamato (clam juice) I’m talkin’ about…wait, what was I talkin’ about…oh yeah…I’m talking about steroids kiddies! The hard stuff! THE JUICE! But we wanna eviscerate A-Rod just because he got into a spit swapping session with the WOMAN HE LOVES! Can we really blame him for that? It’s the 20th Century. Get with the program. My name is Michael Showalter and I’m fightin’ MAAD (Mother’s Against Drunk Driving). “Good night and good luck.”

Sad Man Doodle

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Why I Hate Mosquitoes

Why I hate mosquitoes.
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1. They literally suck.
2. They’re very ugly. I know that’s superficial but it’s true. They have long spindly legs. They’re dogs. They have very ugly wings. Swans are better looking. Also, in the insect world I think that ants and bees are hotter looking than mosquitos.
3. They suck blood from me like vampires only they aren’t vampires. They’re buzzy little insects. Vampires at least are immortal and smart and sexy. Mosquitoes can’t do shit.
4. When they bite me I get very itchy and it makes hate the summer very much. (see “Why I Hate Heat”)
5. They have no sense of humor what so ever. It’s well-known that mosquitoes, like Germans, have no sense of humor. Who’s funnier German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder or funnyman Dave Chappelle? That’s easy, Dave Chappelle, right? Well, it’s the same thing with mosquito. Who’s funnier mosquito or German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder? That’s tough. Honestly though I can tell you with total conviction that the answer is Gerhard Schroeder. His set-ups are crap but he has some very funny “yo momma” jokes. His are sort of German so that they don’t make as much sense but I’ll try one out for you. He says, “Yo momma is so verklempt that she she has to quadruple up on schnitzel just to keep from kerplotzing! Ha! That’s so funny.